You know what you are? The Hub. The Hub of your life’s wheel. You’re the center of the wheel, the fulcrum, the thing that makes the whole wheel of your life turn.
In your life, it all centers around you. The kids, the dogs, the spouse, the parents. Plus, you are the Hub of school, shopping, eating right for everyone, paying bills, laundry, etc. And then you are the Hub of the shit storms that show up, hospitalizations, deaths, weddings, car accidents, moving and so much more. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.
At first, you dive in. You try to help, try to solve the problem or just do too much and lose yourself in all the chaos. Next step is realizing you are overwhelmed. As you hold everyone else’s anger, pain and fear; you realize you have some of your own. Of course, holding onto all of that crap does nothing but make you sick. Come on, you want to tell me you’ve never gotten sick in the midst of a crisis or directly after?
That’s what I thought.
It’s a lot of pressure, mostly self-induced (which pisses you off even more). And in the midst of all of this? You suffer. Your life, your body, your relationships, your business, sleeping...you name it. What you need is a break, a vacation away from everyone and all of their chaos.
Wrong answer. What you need is a new way of being the Hub. You need a new way of taking care of yourself and your life without falling into the rabbit hole of everyone else’s misery and turmoil. A better way to manage yourself during your life.
Let’s first realize that everyone’s crisis/emergency, is not necessarily yours. That is the first thing you need to do. Classify if this is your crisis or emergency. Are you the main participant or just a side character? If you are not in the middle of it, do you need to step in and run with the ensuing chaos? Maybe it’s just better to take a step back and survey the situation and see if there really is anything for you to do.
Of course, when Dad’s in the hospital and you have to pack, get gas and get your ass on the road on short notice, that’s you. When the kids call and tell you they got in a car accident, after you have determined that everyone is ok, that is their emergency, not yours. When your last grandpa passes, you cry and grieve and do what you need to do. When your bestie calls and tells you she got fired, you get to listen and empathize but it isn’t your emergency.
But what you do need to do in all of these situations is; take a moment.
What does it mean to take a moment? Breath. Be calm. Sit quietly and recognize your own feelings. Are they your own or an empathetic response to someone else’s chaos? If they are yours, feel them. Let them flow through you and allow yourself to experience them in all of their pain and glory. It’s not easy. Nothing worthwhile really is.
If they are a response to someone else, you may choose to experience them and let them go the same as your own; or you can face them and say that they don’t belong to you. They need to be let go of just the same as the others but this one is more about releasing what doesn’t belong to you. You can visualize yourself holding this emotion that doesn’t belong to you and giving it back to the owner or simply releasing it into the light. You can see yourself as a funnel or tube and allow the emotion to drain right through you and out your feet into the earth.
It is not your job to own someone else’s pain. You can empathize and support and be there without owning. Look at it this way, when you have your own crisis, do you really want someone to own your feelings? To feel exactly what you feel because of you? Of course not. Why on earth would we want to put someone else through our pain? Misery loves company but not to that extent.
It is a process. We are not perfect and this is a conscious practice that takes practice. It’s ok if you can’t do it at first, it's ok if you can’t do it secondly. What is important is to keep at it. We kick our own asses by taking on other’s crap.
The other thing you need is support. One of the big downsides is the stall in everything else in your life while dealing with crap that doesn’t belong to you or even if it does. Your relationships, business, et. al. suffer. It wrecks havoc with doing “normal” things in your life. Like people dying, car accidents and hospitalizations aren’t normal. It’s life in all it’s bold, beautiful messiness.
What you need is your own support system. It is talked about so much that support is so essential and yet it is one of the things we push away while all the messiness is happening. Instead, we spend time beating ourselves up. We tell ourselves to get a move on, you’ve got stuff to do. You set expectations and fail them each time because your focus is on something else, not you.
It is the linear, masculine path and it just doesn’t work for us women.
By honoring your feminine; mindset, collaboration, tap into flow/intuition or simply express yourself in a healthy way; you would stop pushing and allow yourself to be pulled along to where you need to be. Being in your feminine means to allow. Feel the pull of what is needed most. Here is a hint, it’s mostly you who needs care first.
Support is the #1 thing we, as women, need. We wall ourselves off thinking we need to be strong and that we can take care of it all. Wrong. We are stronger the more we share, we are stronger the more we are vulnerable. Being a loner is selling yourself short of your own needs. It is putting yourself last and not honoring you.
It’s one of the many reasons I began Business Goddess Style. We have such a deep need for connection and an even larger need to create community in our lives. We need like-minded women to be there with us. To cheer for us. To empathize with us (and then let it go). To stop being as alone as we believe ourselves to be.
We are only as alone as we allow ourselves to be.
Business Goddess Style groups help you find a sense of belonging and community. They offer support, inspire you, help you find and utilize the tools you already have inside of you and set you on the road to success. All while allowing yourself to be pulled in the direction you want to go.
That is a beautiful thing.
I would love to chat with you about what support can look like in your life and business.
Schedule a call with me today to find out.
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